Influence versus Control

Significant frustration, aggravation, and stress can occur when we think we can control what we can only influence.

As example, let's say you're trying to get your boss to focus on a particularly important, yet subtle, topic of concern. But your boss just doesn't think it's relevant or meaningful. Clearly you cannot control (and are not controlling) your boss' response. But, if you approach the conversation a bit more strategically, you very well might be able to influence the boss' response.

How? Here are four steps that help:

Step One - Think through the issue until you're sure you understand both the obvious - and not-so obvious - implications. (You want to speak from a place of passion and insight, not just from passion alone.)

Step Two - Tell your boss that you can, in fact, do it his/her way, if s/he'd like. (Bosses often look first to see if you're with them - or against them - and if they feel you're against them, your conversation can quickly take a turn for the worse.)

Step Three - Let him/her know that you have a few things you'd like to validate about the matter, though. (Frame your dilemma in terms of a fork-in-the-road, and talk about how your views aligned with the boss' until you hit that fork, but you're not sure you understand why s/he took a different fork than you at that point.)

Step Four - Ask for advice as to how the boss navigated the fork as s/he did. (Ask insightful follow-up questions that start with phrases such as "But wouldn't it work better if ..." and/or "I get that; the part I don't get, though is ...")

While you may not be able to control what happens next, engaging your boss in a meaningful and relevant conversation affords you greater influence over what decisions are made and how things roll-out from there.

Try it and see for yourself.