Um, what did you hear me say?
Here are four ways to tell if someone properly understands the performance feedback conversation you've just had with them:
- By assuming they just did - know, though, that the reliability of this particular technique can be very spotty.
- By noticing the actions they take subsequent to your conversation - the reliability of this technique is much higher than #1, but it's also much delayed.
- By noticing the reactions that other people have to the person you talked with subsequent to your conversation - although used by many as their primary method of confirmation, it is neither as reliable as #2, nor as timely as #1.
- By immediately asking the person you're providing the feedback to - in the very same conversation, in fact - what they understand your message to be.
How might this last way work? By asking something like this:
"Tell me, what did you hear me just say? I want to see if I can recognize what I meant in the words you use to tell it back to me."
I guarantee that you'll have no trouble recognizing if what they say is - or is not - what you meant for them to hear. And if it's not, you then have the opportunity to clarify your message right then and there - which is a very good thing to be able to do, by the way.
Just think of all the confusion (and time) that little extra step can save.
Labels: Success at Work
posted by Barry Zweibel at 11:51 AM
3 Comments:
Hi Barreeeeeeeee!
Hey, I read your blog - I'm curious how you would handle it when you ASK someone to repeat back what you just said, they REPEAT what you said and seem to understand it and agree with it, but later their ACTIONS are DIFFERENT........
Grasshoppa
Great question, Grasshoppa. It reminds me of that old adage, "Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice shame on me."
(As an aside, is it redundant to say 'old' adage?! Too, does anyone know the original source of this particular adage?)
Should things happen as you say, though, I’d be extra curious the next time: “Given what happened the last time,” I might say, “What are you thinking about what I just said?”
For the misunderstanding that just happened, I’d want to follow-up, as well, asking them to connect to dots between what you said, what they understood that to mean, and what they actually did. “How is what you did consistent with what we talked about? How is it inconsistent? How do you decide what to do when you’re not sure?” Questions like that.
Helpful?
ah, many thanks, wise Blogger....
Grasshoppa
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