Are you Asking or Requesting?
- "Would you help me out?" really means, "Help me ... now."
- "Can you have that back to me by first thing tomorrow?" really means, "I actually want this back before the end of the day today."
- "You don't need anything else from me right now, do you?" really means, "I'm outta here, so just let me leave."
Requests-in-the-form-of-a-question may seem more polite to the people asking the question, but they actually are often more confusing to the person being asked. The problem is that questions deserve answers, but requests deserve acknowledgements. And these are two very different things. If you've ever tried to answer one of these cloaked requests you know what I mean:
Boss: Would you help me out?
You: Well actually, boss, I'm kinda busy.
Boss: Don't be a smart-alec; help me out ... now.
You, to yourself: Oh great! Why didn't he just say so in the first place?
Boss, to him/herself: Hmm, I wonder if that an under-the-breath comment was a question or a request?
So how do you make requests? (That's my question.) Try making them more directly. (That's my request!) See the difference?
Labels: Getting Unstuck, Success at Work
posted by Barry Zweibel at 1:44 PM
2 Comments:
hey, barry -- on the asking v. requesting -- why is it i always seem to get into "trouble" when i'm requesting? i think people think it's not polite and it's too direct -- so i can't say that i agree with that posting -- or, actually, i DO agree -- it's others who don't.
Hi Jodi ~ Yes, sometimes people don't like being told what to do, so there is a balance to be sought between asking, requesting, and impolite demanding - or having your requests being seen as demanding.
As I wrote in my 1qtr2005 newsletter, "For any request that's made, you always have three possible responses: to say 'yes', to say 'no', or to make a counteroffer."
So, should you sense that others are starting to 'crinkle' at your requests, let them know that they can say yes, no, or offer up a counteroffer to your request.
See where the conversation goes once you give them some choices in how to respond.
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