When Someone Steals Your Idea

I've been asked by a few clients for ways to handle a situation where a coworker "poaches" one of their ideas. Here's what Sam Deep and Lyle Sussman have to say about that from their excellent book, "What to Ask When You Don't Know What to Say":

"You don't believe what you hear. A colleague you previously considered a friend has infuriated you. She just reported to you how excited the boss was to hear her great idea on how to cut the company's printing expenses by twenty percent while improving the quality of the corporate communications program. At lunch last week you had asked for her comments on this same idea before you would break it to the boss in a meeting scheduled with him the day after tomorrow. You can't let her get away with stealing your idea."

What to Ask:"Where Did You Get That Idea?"

"The answer to this question will determine how you open your discussion with the "thief," but the ultimate thrust of your censure will be the same no matter what the answer.

"With your response, let her know how you feel about plagiarism, especially when one of your ideas is presented to the boss by someone else claiming credit for it. Before you confront this person, decide exactly what you expect as a remedy, and then demand it."

What to Ask: "Should You or Should I Tell the Boss Where the Idea Came from?"

"Unless your idea-stealing colleague is willing to negotiate reparations to your satisfaction, this is the ultimate question. Make it clear that you intend to tell the boss exactly what happened with or without her present. Unless she believes that she has more legitimacy with the boss than you do and is planning to engage in the "big lie" strategy, this should cause her to retreat.

"The question is a forceful assertion of your rights, your anger, and your expectation for redress. You're telling the person in unequivocal terms that the boss will be told, either by you or by her.

"If you sense that the person is experiencing sincere remorse and is worried about being fired, you have two options. The first is to demand the credit you deserve. Choose this if you think the person is playing you for a sucker of if you believe that the deserved kudos are necessary for your career mobility. The second option is to pull back and allow the person to save face. You might choose this if the person manifests sincere regret or if you believe the joy of victory is not worth the pain of the battle."

What to Ask: "Is There Any Reason Why I Should Not Go to the Boss Right Now to Set the Record Straight?"

"The preceding question conveyed your moral indignation and demanded a remedy. This question implies that you might be convinced otherwise. There are at least two predictable responses to your question. The first is for your coworker to defend her claim to the idea successfully, in which case you'll want to forcefully back down. The second is for your coworker to come clean, apologize, and seek your forgiveness. If you can forgive and forget, do so; you'll prove that you're the bigger person. Holding a grudge can rob you of energy better spent on more productive tasks."

What to Ask: "If You Were in My Shoes Right Now, What Would You Do?"

"This powerful question solicits empathy and role reversal. Borrowing a coworker's idea and presenting them as one's own often occurs without thought of repercussions or of the pain it may cause the true originator of the idea. With this question you're implying that there is pain and you want her to describe it.

"If she can't empathize or refuses to do so, tell her exactly how you are feeling and exactly what you plan to do as a result."

These may, or may not be the right questions for you to ask, but hopefully they've given you some good things to think about.