1qtr2004 - Feature Article: On Building Trust, Rapport, and Respect

Know this: Trust is EVERYTHING. A person who trusts you will work incredibly hard on your behalf. Conversely, a person who doesn't, won't. It's also important to understand that having organizational authority over someone is NOT the same as having them trust you - formal authority does not guarantee someone's trust in you. In fact, it often impedes the trust-building process.

People will usually comply with authority because the boss has the organizational power to take actions against them if they don't. But mere compliance is not trust because in the 'moments of truth' when people selectively choose whether or not to give you the benefit of the doubt, your ultimate success will be determined by how much they actually DO trust you.

So in very real terms, your trustworthiness will be put to the test - early and often. And it's a complex, and heavily layered test, at that:

• Trust is not just Credibility - You can be very credible, that is, have people believe your data is accurate and your information useful. And while it's important that you ARE credible, what you DO with the facts plays an even larger role in your trustworthiness.
• Trust is not just Responsiveness - Yes being responsive does help, but not if you're only providing meaningless, albeit timely, replies to the important questions being asked of you. Similarly, direct reports may jump through hoops for you, but if their motivation is based on fear, that's not trust either.
• Trust is not just Perceptions - Managing perceptions is about who you're trying to be and what you want others to believe you to already be. But Trust comes from people seeing you as you really are - especially when you don't know they're watching.

To further complicate things, not everyone defines trust the same way. So to better understand exactly what trust is about let's start by looking at some people you trust already. Pick five of them - choose a mix of direct reports, family members, vendor contacts, children, etc. Talk with each one and ask, among other things, the following questions:

• How do you define trust?
• How do you go about earning someone's trust?
• How do you decide if someone is trustworthy?
• How is trust lost?
• What happens when trust is lost?
• Who are some people you trust, and why?
• Who are some people who trust you, and why?

Now repeat the process with people you don't trust - not people you distrust, but people you don't know well enough yet to trust, or not - salespeople calling on you for the first or second time, someone you're sitting next to on a plane or at a dinner party; people like that. Ask a handful of them those same questions.

You'll be surprised how refreshing - and insightful - conversations like that can be. And you'll be well on your way to better understanding what Trust really means to others and, more even importantly, how you can best demonstrate your ongoing trustworthiness to the people you work with on an ongoing basis.