2009qtr3 – Not Just Talk! Newsletter
Table of Contents – 2009qtr3 – Not Just Talk! Newsletter
In Search of More Skillful Living
Interesting notion, “skillful living”, isn't it?! To make sure we’re all talking about the same thing, let’s define it as, “Embracing a respectful caring of others and self; content (if not happy); useful (if not wise). 1” It’s about well-being, really, and it begs the question, beyond transient mood shifts, how does one permanently increase well-being? How, indeed, *does* one live more skillfully? How does one live a life where we *naturally* strive to align more closely to our core values, routinely seek continued personal and professional development, and more consistently aspire toward transcendence? The outcomes are certainly desirable. I mean, who *wouldn't* want: - More Pleasure from the ordinary and routine
- Easier Non-attachment to outcomes we cannot affect
- Improved Self-filtering so that we don’t say the things we wish we didn't just say
- Continued Growth and improvement in whatever we do
- Deeper Engagement in our relationships with all living things
- Greater Contribution in helping those less-fortunate, or more needy, than ourselves
- More Perspective to understand things more broadly and/or deeply.
But simply *wanting* is not a strategy. So here are four actual strategies to put into play to dramatically increase the skillfulness with which you live: - The Attentional Strategy – This approach is about quieting the mind, relaxing, letting go and developing from that, greater mindfulness and acceptance of what is. When we can turn our attention away from the hustle and bustle of our day, the break that ensues allows us to re-engage with the world in a far more meaningful conscious and purposeful manner. Taking time-outs like this can be challenging at first – anyone who’s ever had trouble going to sleep, or woken up at 3am because of something they've been worrying about knows what I mean. But remember, just because you have a thought doesn't mean you have to actually think it. Just practice letting them go or think them later.
- The Articulation Strategy – This strategy, often referred to as the Psychological Strategy is about changing how we think and the tone of our self-talk so that they’re more positive, supportive, and healthy. In some cases, it may mean saying ‘yes’ to facing our fears, saying ‘no’ to our self-limiting beliefs, or saying, ‘you know, I’m really okay with *not* having all the answers right now.” One of my favorite parts of the Napoleon Hill Success Scrolls is in Scroll #9 where he says, “The power of thought is the only thing over which any human being has complete unquestionable control.” The Articulation Strategy is about exercising that complete unquestionable control over what (and how) we think.
- The Social Strategy – This strategy relates to both our routine interpersonal relations and the support with which they increase (or decrease) one’s sense of well-being. How many times have you found that those closest to you undermine your efforts to be a better person? They’re likely not *intentionally* trying to demotivate or dis-empower you, but they do just the same. Examples: You've announced you’re going on a diet and your significant other wants ice cream for desert; you want to apply for a dream job and your best friend tells you not to get your hopes up. Very UN-helpful! In contrast, the Social Strategy is about finding the people who WILL support you in your dreams, goals and plans and encourage and support you as you work to achieve them. We’re not talking ‘Yes-Men’ here; we’re talking surrounding yourself with people who are there for you, really there for you – your *support* community.
- The Physical Strategy – While the prior strategies about honoring what you and those around you think, feel, and talk about, this last strategy is about taking care of the *physical* you. How you exercise, what you eat, and how you, literally, move through the world. The value of establishing (and then maintaining) some sort of fitness practice is twofold: (1) The better condition your body’s in, the better you’ll feel – and the more willing you’ll be to practice living more skillfully; and (2) the more time you spend taking care of the physical you, the less time they’ll be for idle, unproductive worry or regret. So, not only do you become more fit, but you’ll also recharge your brain by giving it a respite from the incessant mind-chatter that, no doubt, engulfs you from time to time. Know, though, that this is an iterative process, best practiced – and savored – over time.
By regularly applying the Attentional Strategy, the Articulation Strategy, the Social Strategy, and the Physical Strategy into your daily living, the easier it will be to be respectful caring of others and self, and permanently increase your well-being. And that gives you a huge advantage in learning how to embrace more skillful living. Try it and see. ------ 1 - definition from “Beyond Happiness: Developing a European Perspective on Positive Psychology,” a symposium organized by Ilona Boniwell, July 2009. Labels: Feature Articles
Courageously Courageous
I recently had the opportunity to hear several short presentations about courage and courageousness. First up with Senior Scientist in Residence at Gallup, Inc., Shane Lopez, PhD , who defined courage in terms of it being the “capacity to confront opposition”, “increased increased determination in the face of resistance,” “overcoming fear,” and “having lots of guts!” As the audience shouted out answers to Dr. Lopez’ question, “What’s the most courageous moment in sports in the last 100 years?” It was interesting to consider how each spoke to one or both of the two parts of courage and sport he highlighted: - Physical Courage – Overcoming physical aggression
- Vital Courage – Rising to the occasion for the sake of the team
Cynthia Pury, PhD, from Clemson University, was the next speaker. In talking about how courage aided goal-directed action planning, she described three main elements of courageousness-in-action: - The actions have a noble purpose
- The actions have an intentionality about them
- The actions are taken despite one or more elements of objective fear surrounding them
To increase courageousness, Dr. Pury recommended: - Focusing more on where you are in your plan to reach your goal and what needs to happen next
- Focusing more on the value of achieving your goal
- Focusing more on ways of decreasing the risk of action and/or better controlling your fear
She then identified several different types of courage: - Illogical Courage – When there’s not a strong relationship between the action and the goal. (Example: Kissing the statue in the center of the University’s quad so not to fail a test.)
- Bad Courage – When the goal is noble to the actor, but the observer sees it as a *bad* goal. (Example: Suicide.)
- Evil Courage – When the goal has strong negative moral connotations. (Example: terrorism; assassinations.)
- Foolish Courage – When the value of the goal is not apparent to the observer and the risk is high to the actor. (Example: Bungee jumping?!)
- Modest Courage – When the actor downplays the risk, but the observer sees it is very high. (Example: Fire-fighters who run into burning buildings because “I’m just doing my job.”)
Last was Captain Paul Lester from West Point who discussed how the military works to develop courage, leadership transparency, and greater self-concept clarity. He discussed several exercises in that training, including the writing of three essays about: - A time when you were most courageous.
- A time when you should have shown more courage but didn't.
- Lessons Learned from an exercise whereby you met face-to-face with someone who you know took an inappropriate shortcut in completing a task or assignment.
I, for one, found it very interesting to look at courageousness in so many different ways. It definitely added to my understanding and demystification of fear, fearlessness, and courageousness. I hope that reading about it provided a similar value for you. Labels: Feature Articles
Notable Quotables: Great Things I Didn't Say (First)
- William A. Foster: Quality is never an accident; it is always the result of high intention, sincere effort, intelligent direction and skillful execution; it represents the wise choice of many alternatives.
- John Ruskin: When love and skill work together, expect a masterpiece.
- English Proverb: A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner.
- Mark Twain: Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear - not absence of fear.
- Jean Paul Richter: A timid person is frightened before a danger, a coward during the time, and a courageous person afterward.
- Harold Wilson: Courage is the art of being the only one who knows you're scared to death.
GottaGettaBLOG! Highlights from 2009qtr2
I've been using GottaGettaBLOG! as a vehicle to capture news, notes, and musings about coaching, mentoring, and getting more from YOUR Untapped Potential – along with whatever other I happen to find amusing and/or thought-provoking – since June of 2003. Some highlighted blog postings from last quarter are listed below – just follow the links: April 2009- If I was Lou Piniella's Executive Coach -- Ah, baseball! In honor of the new season, I took a few moments to frame how I'd coach "Sweet Lou", the manager of the Chicago Cubs, if I was hired to be his executive coach.
- Leadership Moves" Email Learning Series-- I'm pretty excited about this one. It's a new email-based learning program I've developed called "LEADERSHIP MOVES" about motivating direct reports, "every day, every way" that's set up to email you a new Leadership Move, automatically, every 2 or 3 days. And, if you use Coupon Code 3019z when ordering, you'll save 20% off the regular. Just my way of saying thanks for being a loyal GottaGettaCoach! Blog Digest subscriber!
- Expert In" AND a "Student Of" -- Experts are typically thought of as people who "already know." But by embracing the "mind of a student", some excellent new learning can continue to occur quite readily.
May 2009- Breaking Bad Habits -- MIT neuroscientists report that they now have proof that we cannot "unlearn" bad habits. So, okay, if we can't "simply delete" bad habits from our brains, what can we do to "stop indulging" in them?
- Stress and Performance -- What Goldilocks and guitar strings have to teach us about our place on the Human Performance Curve.
- Stretching Yourself -- Some fascinating findings about women who are very successful, compared to those who are not
June 2009Proof that Coaching Works -- It's one thing to have beliefs about the positive impact of coaching. It's something quite different when your beliefs can be substantiated as fact through independent, peer-reviewed, methodologically-valid research with meaningful, and statistically-significant, findings. Here are some findings about the power of professional coaching, courtesy of the Positive Psychology conference.
As always, your on-line comments are welcomed and encouraged.
GottaGettaCoach! News from 2009qtr2
- The Habitat Company, one of the largest private residential property managers in Chicago and the Midwest, included a piece on life coaching -- with a mention to GottaGettaCoach! -- in their Spring "Habitat Lifestyles" newsletter.
- GGCI Publishes releases, Leadership Moves Learning Series. An Email-based professional growth and development program of 32 essential ingredients needed to help make you a World Class Leader. Delivered right to your email inbox, a new Leadership Move every two-to-three days. More at http://www.leadershipmoves.com/.
- GGCI is now on Twitter - At the urging of my sonny-boy, Andy, I've started tweeting. You can follow me at www.twitter.com/ggci.
- Barry Zweibel was highlighted as a "CHAMPION FOR PEER ASSISTANCE, COACHING & MENTORING" by the Peer Resources Network. Per President Rey Carr, "Champions are individuals and organizations that represent best practices in their field." Barry was specifically cited for the methodology he used in conducting last quarter's GGCI Executive Coaching Client Survey.
- Barry Zweibel joined IPPA - the International Positive Psychology Association.
- GGCI Publishes releases, Name It; Frame It; then, Claim It. Powerful Interviewing, for an Interviewee, is more than just answering questions asked. It’s about having – and sharing – a unique, and compelling, point-of-view. And it all starts with your Interviewing Inner-Game. More at www.ggci.com/nameit.
- More GGCI/BBB News: On June 1, 2009, the Better Business Bureau of Chicago and Northern Illinois introduced a new Ratings System (a letter grade from A+ to F) for all Accredited Businesses and non-accredited companies that are in the BBB database to replace the previous "satisfactory" or "unsatisfactory" rating. The new ratings will be used by all BBBs across the United States and Canada. The letter grade for GottaGettaCoach!, Inc. is "A+".
- Barry Zweibel attended (and tweeted from) The First World Congress on Positive Psychology.
Labels: GGCI News
New URL for Not Just Talk! Newsletter
The URL for Not Just Talk, the quarterly newletter from GottaGettaCoach!, Inc., has changed. It's now located, here, at www.ggci.com/NotJustTalk. It's Atom and RSS feeds have similarly changed, as well: Kindly update your bookmarks and aggregators accordingly.
2009qtr2 – Not Just Talk! Newsletter
Table of Contents – 2009qtr2 – Not Just Talk! Newsletter
Less of More or More of Less? - Ask the Coach
Question: Whenever I have a lot to do, I start off really motivated, but then I get overwhelmed by it all and accomplish far less than I wanted to. But whenever I try to purposefully limit what I'm doing (so that I can feel satisfied by completing everything on my list) I feel like I'm not trying hard enough. What's the right way? Answer: Those infomercial disclaimers sort of have it right: But while they say, "Individual results may vary", I say, "Individual preferences may vary." Indeed, some people are far more motivated and inspired by having FEWER items on their list daily list so that they work to DEFINITELY complete – let’s call this a “DEFINITELY-DOABLE” list. To them, it’s about the satisfaction (and self-respect) that comes from the COMPLETION of their daily assignments. Others are more motivated and inspired by having MORE items on their daily list than they can possibly complete – a “SURELY-a-STRETCH” list, if you will. To them, it’s about the satisfaction (and self-respect) that comes from the CHALLENGE of purposefully stretching themselves. The converse of this is also true, too: Some people get more discouraged by NOT finishing what’s on their list than they’re pleased by having stretched themselves beyond what they might have achieved using a lesser list. And others are far more discouraged by not doing MORE on any given day, even if they accomplished everything they set their sights on. And some people are the proverbial "all of the above"! Which are you? Not sure? Then use the chart below to write down the feelings, positive or negative, that come up for you in each scenario and see for yourself:  Something also to keep in mind: Every day may not be the same. It’s just like when you run – some days you can run miles without a problem; other days, just putting on your sneakers is a challenge. So don’t make up a rule that says every day your to do list has to be exactly the same. Maybe M/W/F are “doable” days, while T/T are “challenge” days. Maybe every day is a “doable” … with an option. (Many take this approach when exercising – a minimum of 30 minutes on the elliptical or treadmill, but if they’re feeling good, they’ll continue on for another 15 or 20.) Or not.
The point is, you can be a rigid or flexible as you want AS LONG AS it serves you and your ultimate goal – to make good things happen sooner.
Stories are told on both ends of the spectrum. To the good: - Man pushes his limits and achieves what he wanted … and more
- Woman takes a slow-and-steady route and completes her first marathon run
And to the not-so-good: - Man over-exerts himself and tweaks a muscle thus derailing his exercise plan
- Woman gets frustrated with lack of progress and just gives up
So what’s in your best interest right now – working a to do list that’s DEFINITELY-DOABLE? Or working one that’s SURELY-a-STRETCH?! YOU decide. Labels: Ask the Coach, Feature Articles
Problem Solving 101 - Book Review
 Title: Problem Solving 101: A Simple Book for Smart PeopleAuthor: Ken Watanabe ISBN-13: 978-1-59174-242-2 Published: March 2009 What a fun little book! Ken Watanabe, graduate of Yale and Harvard Business School, and management consultant at McKinsey & Company for six years, quit his job, moved to Tokyo, to teach schoolchildren critical thinking skills. As he wrote in the book’s preface, “Although Japanese business leaders, educators, and politicians have long talked about the need for Japan to shift from “memorization-focused education” to “problem-solving-focused education,” no one had figured out a concrete and effective way to make this happen. I hoped that [Problem Solving 1010] would at least provide a starting point, one that would help shift the debate from whether we should teach problem solving to how we should go about teaching it.” It did much more. The book soon became a huge success – not just with school kids, but with businesspeople, too. In fact, its first printing (in Japanese) became Japan’s number one business best-seller in 2007. And that was before it spread to an even-wider general audience. So, when I learned it was being translated into English, I thought, hey, let’s take a look-see. With adorable illustrations, and charts, and stories, Wantanabe takes us through several cute examples to help us all become “Problem-Solving Kids” – “Whether the issue is big or small, we all set goals for ourselves, face challenges, and strive to overcome them. There’s a fundamental approach to solving these real-life problems, one that can consistently lead you to effective and satisfying solutions. And chances are, no one has ever bothered to show you.” To help us “kids” learn, he offers several McKinsey-esque techniques – Logic Tree, Yes/No Tree, Problem-Solving Design Plan, Hypothesis Pyramid, Pros and Cons/Criteria and Evaluation, among others – which he includes in our “problem-solving tool boxes”. He then walks us through precisely how to use each of them and how they apply to the overall problem-solving process. While the examples and explanations are definitely “kid-friendly,” don’t think that this is all just kid stuff – it’s decidedly more than that. Here’s his Root Cause Methodology: - Step 1 – Diagnose the situation and identify the root cause.
- 1a – List all the potential root causes of the problem.
- 1b – Develop a hypotheses for the likely root cause.
- 1c – Determine the analysis and information required to test the hypothesis.
- 1d – analyze and identify the root cause.
- Step 2 – Develop the solution.
- 2a – Develop a wide variety of solutions to solve the problem.
- 2b – Prioritize actions.
- 2c – Develop an implementation plan.
Here, too, is his Goals and Achievements Methodology: - Step 1 – Set a clear goal. (“What specifically do I want to achieve? When do I want to achieve it? What specific conditions do I have?”)
- Step 2 – Determine the gap between the goal and the current situation.
- Step 3 – Form a hypothesis about how to close the gap and achieve the goal. (“When you set a clear hypothesis and rationale you are more able to collect information and conduct analyses efficiently, and discover if your hypothesis is true.”)
- 3a – List as many options and ideas as possible.
- 3b – select the best ideas as the hypothesis.
- Step 4 – Check the hypothesis. Go back to Step 3 if the hypothesis is disproved.
- 4a – Determine the analyses and information required to test the hypothesis.
- 4b – Analyze and develop action plan. (“Impact = plan effectiveness x quality of execution”)
He also includes a method to evaluate multiple options and select the best one, which is not unlike my Decision Matrix Tutorial e-book I sell at www.ggci.com/Store/#2, actually. “Problem solving is easy,” concludes the author, “when you know how to set a clear goal, figure out how to reach it, and follow through while reviewing your progress and making changes to your plan as necessary. If you make problem solving a habit, you’ll be able to make the most of your talents and take control of your life. You can solve not only your own problems, but the problems of your school, your business, and your community – and maybe even the world.” Indeed. And not just for schoolchildren, but for ALL you problem solving “kids” out there, right?! Labels: Book Reviews, Feature Articles
Notable Quotables: Great Things I Didn't Say (First)
- Theodore Rubin: "The problem is not that there are problems. The problem is expecting otherwise and thinking that having problems is a problem."
- Voltaire: "No problem can stand the assault of sustained thinking."
- Edward de Bono: "It is well known that "problem avoidance" is an important part of problem solving. Instead of solving the problem you go upstream and alter the system so that the problem does not occur in the first place."
- Herm Albright: "A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort."
- William Inge: "Nobody is bored when he is trying to make something that is beautiful, or to discover something that is true."
- Tom Bodett: "They say a person needs just three things to be truly happy in this world: someone to love, something to do, and something to hope for."
Labels: Notable Quotables
GottaGettaBLOG! Highlights from 2009qtr1
I've been using GottaGettaBLOG! as a vehicle to capture news, notes, and musings about coaching, mentoring, and getting more from YOUR Untapped Potential – along with whatever other I happen to find amusing and/or thought-provoking – since June of 2003. Some highlighted blog postings from last quarter are listed below – just follow the links: January 2009- "Developing Your Leadership Development Plan" - There are five *key* leadership domains ... learn what they are and how to work more effectively within each one.
- "Simple Checklists Work!" - If, as research now proves, simple checklists can help reduce surgical deaths and complications by more than a third, what might they do for you and your work?
- "Fall Down Five Times; Get up Six" - Remember the last time you composed a Haiku?! Me neither. But here's one I wrote to inspire a dear friend of mine.
February 2009 - "The Heart of Effective Personal Management" - A primer (albeit a rather lengthy one) on Stephen Covey's Time Management Matrix that differentiates urgent activities from important ones, their various combinations, and how they affect our short- and long-term success.
- "Is This You?!" - The more you complain, the better ... NOT!
- "Put the Big Rocks First" - While some might conclude that if you work at it, you can always fit more into your life, that's really not the point of this charming little
anecdote.
March 2009
- "Fast, Happy, Thinking" - Scientific American Mind magazine reports on a new study that shows *accelerated thinking* can improve your mood." Quick, read all about it!
- "Demons of Effective Goal Setting" - Ever try to get something started ... only to not?! Ever start with the best intentions ... and then nothing?! Effective goal‐setting is a tricky wicket ... especially when the demons start looking you in the eye. This post looks at five such demons.
- "Petition for Equal Access to Music Education" - A call to action about making music education be a requirement for all public school students.
As always, your on-line comments are welcomed and encouraged.
GottaGettaCoach! News from 2009qtr1
- The Better Business Bureau® of Chicago and Northern Illinois, Inc. commended GottaGettaCoach!, Inc. in having earned its Better Business Bureau Complaint Free Award for 2008. Per Steve J. Bernas, BBB President and CEO, "We are pleased to recognize your firm for superior performance."
- Barry was interviewed for an article in Crain's Chicago Business on how the economy is changing how people job-search.
- GottaGettaCoach!, Inc. conducts its first-ever GGCI Executive Coaching Client Survey. Both quantitative and qualitative feedback was gathered, tabulated, and reported, including Return on Investment (ROI) data.
- Barry Zweibel was interviewed by Don Morris of the New Coach Connection for a podcast about the possible downsides of new coaches prematurely selecting their coaching niches.
Labels: GGCI News
2009qtr1 – Not Just Talk! Newsletter
Table of Contents – 2009qtr1 – Not Just Talk! Newsletter
New Years' Resolutions: They're Corny,But So What?!
 With a seemingly endless ability to regenerate interest, New Year's Resolutions are back! Sure, they're corny. And, sure, they rarely work. But so what?! New Year's Resolutions are a chance to start anew - literally and figuratively - so why not?! My most-recent contribution to the topic (aside from this piece) takes the form of an interview with StyleChicago.com, specifically, the Life Factors Review. Here's how it works:

Assign each Life Factor listed on the chart a rating between 1 and 10 in terms of what you want to score it ("Beliefs"), and the score it actually deserves ("Reality"). Any Life Factor rating that varies by 2 or more from column to column is "ripe for a New Year's Resolution." "On some days you'll be able to make great strides, while on other days, mere baby steps will be a great achievement," I was quoted as saying, "A lot of little steps will still get you there, though." So when working on your Resolutions, be sure to acknowledge even the itty-bitty ways you're accomplishing - or at least moving toward ... or at least not moving away from - your goals. This will actively nourish your stick-to-itiveness. As is typical, some of my interview ended up on the cutting-room floor. A part I particularly liked was an idea on how to better B-O-N-D with your New Year's Resolutions:  B – BELIEVE that this year is THE year where you make some meaningful progress on your Resolutions. That you lead a busy life is undeniable. But doing nothing to improve your life is inexcusable. Resolutions can help you continue to grow and stretch your best. O – OPEN your eyes to even the smallest of ways to keep your Resolutions alive and nourished. Peter A. Cohen said, “There is no one giant step that does it. It's a lot of little steps.” Resolutions work that way, too, as already indicated. N –NOURISH your emotional buy-in to your Resolutions by regularly reviewing your Reality ratings and connecting back to what they truly mean to you. "How does one become a butterfly? You must want to fly so much that you are willing to give up being a caterpillar." (Trina Pallus) D – DEVELOP a daily tracking plan; swipe your calendar with a colored marker every day you work on your Resolutions. At the end of the month, enjoy the rainbow! And if for some reason, you have a few bad days in a row, know that that’s to be expected and go do something to make yourself marker-worthy! So, with that all said, what New Year's Resolutions are on tap for you in 2009?! Labels: Feature Articles, Notable Quotables
Fear and Other Uninvited Guests - Book Review
Title: Fear and Other Uninvited Guests: Tackling he Anxiety, Fear, and Shame That Keep Us from Optimal Living and Loving. Author: Harriet Lerner, Ph.D. ISBN-13: 9780641646690 Published: May 2004
“The only being I have ever known who was entirely free of fear and always “in the flow” was my cat, Felix.” So writes Dr. Harriet Lerner on Page One of Chapter One. “But as for people, no one is immune to the grip of anxiety, fear, and shame – the “big three” that muck up our lives.” “Most of us experience fear as a kind of stop sign or flashing red light that warns: “Danger! Do not enter!” she continues. Our task is to learn to “decode” that signal in more productive, and self-affirming, ways. But it’s no easy task because fear breeds anxiety and anxiety impedes our ability to think clearly, making it all too easy for our fear-based, anxiety-laden, stinkin’ thinkin’ to unilaterally conclude that we are weak and impaired and less-than. No wonder so many people have such low self-esteem! If they only knew it was just that they happen to have an “overactive” fear response. The pathway out, of course, is that something has to be changed. But fear of change is another bump in the road in and of itself. As the author states, “Change is an anxiety-arousing business because whenever you make a change, you can’t make only one.” Think about it. With any one change you try to make, there likely follows scads of other related and tangential, (read: uncontrollable) changes that happen along with. Naturally, our already over-stimulated Fear Response mechanism freaks out even more about all this - about just thinking about all this! In an effort to protect ourselves from all of this, a reluctance to change takes hold. More stinkin' thinkin'. Now there's nothing wrong with wanting to feel comfortable and in control, so avoiding what evokes fear and those other disquieting emotions makes sense on the surface, but not deeper down. According to Lerner, “While avoidance will make you feel less vulnerable, it will never make you less afraid.” In fact, the opposite is more likely true - the more you avoid fear, the more afraid you become of it ... the more afraid you become of the possibility of it. And that's problematic. So what’s the solution? In a word, it's "courage" - the capacity, as the author defines, "to think, speak, and act despite our fear and shame.” And how does one develop such capacity and courage? Through practice, of course – and by recognizing our inherent courageous in many of the things we already think, feel, and do. Oftentimes, we are more courageous than we realize: - When we take action
- When we speak up
- When we question something or someone
- When we truly listen
- When we think for ourselves
- When we make commitments
- When we allow ourselves to be held accountable for the commitments we made
- When we're creative
- When we learn
- When we allow ourselves to be known by others
- When we are willing to look at ourselves objectively
- When we are willing to be more of our natural, authentic, selves
- When we are generous or patient with someone
- When we keep an open mind
- When we keep an open heart
- When we make it through a particularly tough day
- When we sit with our fear rather than run away from it
Indeed, the more we can get in touch with courageousness we already have, the less control fear anxiety, and shame will have over us. It can be quite liberating, actually. But it does take practice. And there is no magic elixir. Concludes the author: “No one gives us courage – not experts, gurus, healers, artists, teachers, or heroes, fictional or real. The good people in our lives inspire us, push us, encourage us, cheer us on, advise us, support us, help us to strategize and figure out the first step, remind us of our own potentialities and possibilities. But rather than giving us courage, they help us to remember the courage we already have, and inspire us to act on it. If we are intentional about finding the places and people that inspire and empower us, we will remember that we can act courageously – a challenge that is at the heart of who we are in the world and what kind of world it is.” For such a serious topic, I found Fear and Other Uninvited Guests a surprisingly smooth read – its conversational tone made the material much more approachable than it would have been otherwise. The author’s use, and selection, of case studies was also very effective in that they excellently illustrated the key points and concerns she was making. All in all, the book provided some very meaningful - and realistic - guidance, about how to decode our Fear Responses in more productive, and self-affirming, ways. Labels: Book Reviews, Feature Articles
Notable Quotables: Great Things I Didn't Say (First)
- Audre Lorde: “When I dare to be powerful, to use my strength in the service of my vision, then it becomes less and less important whether I am afraid.”
- David Reynolds: “When people tell you they don’t fly because they’re afraid of flying, you need not believe them. They don’t fly because they don’t buy airline tickets.”
- Anaïs Nin: “Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one’s courage.”
- Susan Grafton: “If you’re not afraid, you’re not trying hard enough.”
- Oprah Winfrey: “Cheers to a New Year and another chance for us to get it right.”
- Henry Moore: “I think in terms of the day’s resolutions, not the year’s.”
Labels: Notable Quotables
GottaGettaBLOG! Highlights from 2008qtr4
I've been using GottaGettaBLOG! as a vehicle to capture news, notes, and musings about coaching, mentoring, and getting more from YOUR Untapped Potential – along with whatever other I happen to find amusing and/or thought-provoking – since June of 2003. Some highlighted blog postings from last quarter are listed below – just follow the links: from October 2008 from November 2008 from December 2008 To wander through the archives, try the "Read a Random Post" button at the GottaGettaBLOG! home page. As always, your on-line comments are welcomed and encouraged.
GottaGettaCoach! News from 2008qtr4
- An article written by Barry Zweibel was picked up for syndication by BNET.
- Barry Zweibel was interviewed for an article at StyleChicago.com about helping busy working women do better with their New Year's Resolutions.
- Barry Zweibel is asked to participate in a Kingston University (UK) survey about Executive Coaching and Language.
- Barry Zweibel was interviewed for an article in Print Solutions magazine about the value of working with an executive coach.
Labels: GGCI News
2008qtr4 – Not Just Talk! Newsletter
Welcome to Your Brain - Book Review
 Title: Welcome to Your Brain : Why You Lose Your Car Keys But Never Forget How to Drive and Other Puzzles of Everyday BehaviorAuthors: Sandra Aamodt, Sam Wang ISBN-13: 9781596912830 Published: March 2008 If you want to know a LOT about how your brain works, this book’s for you. Written in a light-hearted, yet heavily neuroscientific way, the authors easily shift from silly brain-facts, to detailed physiological descriptions, to fascinating insights and implications ... and back again. Indeed, the book starts with a 20-question “How Well Do You Know Your Brain?” quiz, which includes such teasers as: - When are your last brain cells born?
a) before birth b) at age six c) between the ages of 18 and 21 d) in old age
- Which of the following strategies is the best one for overcoming jet lag?
a) taking melatonin the night after you arrive at your destination b) avoiding daylight for several days c) getting sunlight in the afternoon at your destination d) sleeping with the lights on
- You are in a noisy room attempting to talk to your friend on your cell phone. To have a clearer conversation, you should:
a) talk more loudly b) cover one ear and listen through the other c) cover your ear when you talk d) cover the mouthpiece when you listen
- Which of the following is the hardest thing your brain does?
a) doing long division b) looking at a photograph c) playing chess d) sleeping
- What percentage of your brain do you use?
a) 10% b) 5% when you are sleeping, 20% when you are awake c) 100% d) varies according to intelligence
The book, divided into six parts, then goes on to explain why things are so. “It’s a complicated subject,” say the authors in their introduction, “but we think it doesn't have to be intimidating. This book will give you the inside scoop on how your brain really works – and how you can help it work better. - “In part 1, we pull back the curtain to show what is happening behind the scenes and explain how your brain helps you survive in the world.
- “In part 2, we take a tour of our senses, explaining how you see, hear, touch, smell, and taste.
- “In part 3, we show how your brain changes through life, from birth to old age.
- “In part 4, we examine your brain’s emotional systems, focusing on how they help you navigate life effectively.”
- “In part 5, we discuss your reasoning abilities, including decision making, intelligence, and gender differences in cognition.
- “In part 6, we examine altered states of your brain – consciousness, sleep, drugs and alcohol, and disease.”
And they do, in considerable detail! To give you a taste, here are a few excerpts, of note: Is your brain like a computer? “Today, people tend to talk about brains as if they were a sort of biological computer, with pink mushy ‘hardware’ and life-experience-generated ‘software’. But computers are designed by engineers to run like a factory, in which actions occur according to an overall plan and in logical order. The brain, on the other hand, works more like a busy Chinese restaurant: it’s crowded and chaotic, and people are running around to no apparent purpose, but somehow everything gets done in the end.” Additionally, “computers mostly process information sequentially, while the brain handles multiple channels of information in parallel.” So, no, you brain really isn't like a computer. Myth: Blind people have better hearing “When tested, blind people are no better at detecting faint sounds as sighted people. “ But, “blind people do have better memory, especially for language. They also are better than sighted people at language tasks, including understanding the meaning of sentences. In addition, blind people are better at localizing sounds. Blind people seem to improve these abilities by taking advantage of brain space that isn't being used for vision. In blind people, verbal memory tasks activate the primary visual cortex, which is involved only in vision in sighted people.” One of the language tasks that blind people do especially well: The ability to generate verbs. Practical Tip: How can you protect your brain as you get older? “The most effective approach to keeping your brain healthy with age turns out to be something you probably wouldn't expect: physical exercise. Regular exercise, of the type that elevates your heart rate, is the single most useful thing you can do to maintain your cognitive abilities in later life.” Myth: Women are moodier than men “What most people don’t realize is that men are moody, too. In fact, their moods vary as much from hour to hour as women’s moods. How do we know this? When psychologists give beepers to men and women and ask them to write down their mood whenever it goes off, men and women report similar variations. Curiously, both men and women tend to remember women’s mood swings better, so if people are asked later to remember how moody they or their partners were in the previous week, more mood swings are reported for women than men.” The Dalai Lama, enlightenment, and brain surgery In 2005, the Dalai Lama spoke at the annual meeting of the Society of Neuroscience. During the Q&A, one of the book’s authors (Wang) asked him if he’s in favor of neuroscience research could someday helping people achieve enlightenment through artificial means such as drugs or surgery. His answer: If such a treatment were available, it would have saved him time spent in meditation, freeing him to do more good works. He even pointed at his own head, saying that if bad thoughts could be stopped by removing a brain region, he wanted to “Cut it out! Cut it out!” He did say, though, that that’d only be acceptable if it left one’s critical faculties intact (thus ruling out frontal lobotomies, to the relief of conference attendees). Item Last And why do we lose our car keys but never forget how to drive?! In large part because while we tend to think of our memory as a ‘single phenomenon’, it actually has many parts, each using different regions of the brain. So, “a skill such as driving a car uses a number of brain regions but does not require the temporal lobe system,” which is where we learn, remember (and forget) new facts and events. If your a "neuro-nut", you'll likely want to read this book from start to finish. But it works equally well for those who prefer to just pick a page - any page - and see what you find. Either way, you'll likely learn some interesting things about your brain ... and have some excellent new topics to talk about at your next backyard bar-b-q or networking event. ------ Correct Answers: 1d, 2c, 3d, 4b, 5c. (So, how'd you do?!) Labels: Book Reviews, Feature Articles
The BIG THREE Limiters - Ask the Coach
Question: What do you find is the biggest struggle for people like me, who are seeking to make their life better, but unsure on where to start? Answer: The BIG THREE Limiters are: - One’s own negative self-talk
- One’s family, friends, and colleagues who may mean well, but still manage to routinely undermine one’s confidence, emotional well-being, and ultimate desire for change
- The self-limiting beliefs inherent in, and associated with, items (1) and (2)
Because of the BIG THREE, most people never even get to the ‘where to start’ question – it’s as if they’re “tasered” into giving up before they even get started. Very sad. Indeed, if you’re stuck and not sure why, chances are one or more (likely all three) of the BIG THREE are nipping at your heels. Don’t believe me? Try this: Put a 3x5 index card (and a pen) in your pocket or purse and carry it around for a week. Every time you hear some negative self-talk, someone else talking you down, or some self-limiting belief that’s holding you back from thinking/feeling/doing something new/different/better, give yourself a little “x” mark. At the end of the week, tally things up and see for yourself how insidious the BIG THREE can be. ------ excerpted from: http://rebelgirl.newsvine.com/_news/2008/09/19/1885905-interview-with-barry-zweibel-of-gotta-getta-coach-inc. Labels: Ask the Coach, Feature Articles
It's Employee Performance Review Time Again
It's getting to be that time of year, again. As we stare down Q4, four things are pretty much inevitable: - pitch-black mornings and evenings are a-comin'
- frigid temperatures aren't far behind
- all of those "by 12/31" projects will soon be due
- it's getting to be employee performance review time again
Regrettably, I can't help you with the shortening days, or dropping temps. But please, make a note-to-self: Next year - and forevermore for that matter - stop with these last-day-of-the-year due dates, already! They don't work. You know they don't work. And they just drive people crazy - including yourself, which segues somewhat nicely to item #4: employee performance reviews. If you've subscribed to Not Just Talk! for any length of time (or GottaGettaBlog! for that matter) you're probably familiar with my Special Report entitled, Employee Performance Discussions: 10 Important Things a Boss MUST Know How to Say. Still, I ask you: - Wouldn't it be nice if there was an easy way to know what to say to handle your employee performance problems swiftly, professionally, and effectively?
- Wouldn't it be nice if there were some particular phrases or scripts you could use to really bring home the points you're trying to make to your direct reports?
- Wouldn't it be nice if there was a way to handle performance issues without your boss or HR representative having to get involved?
Yes it would, and my Employee Performance Discussions downloadable e-book can surely help. But don't take my word for it: - "I knew I was supposed to know how to handle employee performance problems - and I thought I did. But whatever I tried didn't work. Until, I read Employee Performance Discussions. It really gave me the confidence I needed to say what I wanted to say." - Mary Stenniger, training director
- "It used to drive me nuts that I'd work my tail off and still get gigged by my boss for not getting more out of my employees. Employee Performance Discussions walked me through how to have the conversations I knew I needed to have with them. And you know what? They worked!" - Joe Meyers, director of operations
- "What amazed me was how quickly my Problem Employee responded once I used the right language to communicate my dissatisfaction and the improvements I needed to see. Employee Performance Discussions helped me save this guy's job!" - Mike Cooper, chief financial officer
So if you've got some 'tricky' performance discussions ahead, best-o-luck. And if you want something more than luck on your side, download a copy of Employee Performance Discussions: 10 Important Things a Boss MUST Know How to Say at http://www.employee-discussions.com/ today. Labels: Make a Purchase
Notable Quotables: Great Things I Didn't Say (First)
- Malcolm S. Forbes: "Diamonds are nothing more than chunks of coal that stuck to their jobs."
- Woodrow T. Wilson: "I not only use all the brains I have but all I can borrow."
- Emo Phillips: "I used to think my brain was my most important organ. But then I though: Wait a minute, who's telling me that?"
- E.B. White: "Humor can be dissected as a frog can, but the thing dies in the process and the innards are discouraging to any but the pure scientific mind."
- George Carlin: "Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.”
- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe: "What kind of god would it be who only pushed the world from the outside?"
Labels: Notable Quotables
GottaGettaBLOG! Highlights from 2008qtr3
I've been using GottaGettaBLOG! as a vehicle to capture news, notes, and musings about coaching, mentoring, and getting more from YOUR Untapped Potential – along with whatever other I happen to find amusing and/or thought-provoking – since June of 2003. Some highlighted blog postings from last quarter are listed below – just follow the links: from July 2008 from August 2008 from September 2008 As always, your on-line comments at GottaGettaBLOG! and its 2003-2007 archives are both welcomed and encouraged. If you don’t already receive monthly digests of GottaGettaBLOG!, you can update your subscription here. Thanks.
GottaGettaCoach! News from 2008qtr3
2008qtr3 – Not Just Talk! Newsletter
The Power of Ren – Book Review
Title: The Power of Ren: China’s Coaching PhenomenonAuthors: Eva Wong, Lawrence Leung ISBN-13: 9780470822159  While modern-day coaching has its roots in the Western world, one might say that much of coaching has to do with getting in touch with one’s Eastern sensibilities. As such, I was very eager to read The Power of Ren to see how authors Wong and Leung applied Western coaching techniques in China. And while this book might not appeal to people who aren’t already coaches, it nevertheless has some keen insights to share about coaching and the impact it can have on people, regardless of culture or geography. “The bedrock of Chinese thought is shaped mostly Confucianism, but also by Buddhism and Taoism,” say Wong and Leung. “And while these three philosophical traditions are in many ways vastly different, they all share a preoccupation with harmonizing the inner and outer self.” So, too with coaching. “Confucianism, Buddhism, and Taoism can all be used in developing one’s potential. Their focus is the betterment of things through the betterment of the person.” The authors share numerous examples of how clients from a shoe company, a chain of beauty salons, a jewelry dealer, manufacturers of fertilizers and high tech circuitry, department stores, restaurants, and more, all successfully capitalized on the burgeoning Chinese economy by using their Nine-Dot Leadership model – nine core beliefs and attitudes that are essential to effective leadership – to help build their businesses: Dot One - Passion – “A passionless person is like a pebble that, when dropped into water, creates no ripples. Those who lack passion always retreat in the fact of challenge.” The components of Passion are: (a) True Values – “Only those who are absolutely sincere can fully develop their nature.”
(b) Freedom of Choice – “We have complete freedom to determine your self-worth and our attitudes.”
(c) Self-Expression – This is “revealing the self without a mask, and being as sincere as possible.” Dot Two – Commitment – “In shunning commitment, we reveal only a lack of self-confidence. Commitment uncompleted through action destroys our credibility, but shying away from commitment robs us of the opportunity to build credibility.” Elements of Commitment are: (a) Self-Discipline – “Whatever we commit to do … we have to impose discipline on ourselves to ensure it happens.”
(b) Integrity – “Our past actions form the basis of other people’s expectations of us. It is on the basis of these past actions that people decide whether they can take us at our word.”
(c) Focused Attention – “Generally, it is not outside factors that prevent us from reaching our goals, but something inner.” Dot Three – Responsibility – “We tend to be much better at identifying what *others* should be responsible for than we ourselves.” (a) Non-Separation – “The reason we are unwilling to take responsibility is because of our sense of separation from others and from things.”
(b) Willingness – “When responsibility comes from the heart, it comes with a spirit of willingness, and this is a way of saying that responsibility is an attitude.”
(c) Initiative – “When we willingly take initiative, our hearts are light and we don’t complain.” Dot Four – Appreciation – “We have to learn appreciation that transcends good or bad, and beautiful or ugly … appreciation is an affirmation of others.” (a) Love – “Appreciation out of love entails paying attention to the other person and loving his or her strengths. It is not about projecting your values on to others.”
(b) Cherishing Ourselves and Others – “Appreciation means choosing to see people’s strengths and the good sides of situations. It means cherishing what we all have, and suspending judgment.”
(c) Acceptance – “Appreciation cannot be expressed through refusal; it is expressed through acceptance.” Dot Five – Giving – “For most of us, giving is conditional – we expect something in return. But this kind of giving is actually a form of taking. True giving is just what it suggests – we give unconditionally, expecting nothing back.” (a) Selfishness – “A feeling that most of us can related to is the feeling we get when we donate to a worthwhile charity. We expect nothing in return, but in fact we do get something. Giving is always selfish, in this sense.”
(b) Joy – “You may be unhappy because you’re not making other people in your life happy.”
(c) Selflessness – “In selflessness, the other person is most important.” Dot Six – Trust – “When we think about trust, we think about other people. But is that really the way it should be? When we are the initiators of trust, the behavior of those who receive it doesn’t affect us.” (a) Creation – “When trust is offered unconditionally, it is a form of creation.”
(b) Fearlessness – “Fearlessness is an external manifestation of a deep ability to extend trust.”
(c) Relinquishing Control – “Only *we* determine whether or not we will trust, and on what basis we chose to do so. Distrust, on the other hand, is a form of control. When we mistrust others, we have a powerful need to control everything.” Dot Seven – Win-Win – “Imagine a wrestling match. To be sure, one of the wrestlers will lose, but the winner will suffer a great deal of pain too. But let us imagine not a wrestling match, but a tango, where competition is replaced by a smooth back-and-forth collaboration.” (a) Perspective – “Every piece, no matter how small, is an essential part of the whole.”
(b) Respect – “When we respect others, we don’t force them to do what they don’t want to do; and when we respect ourselves, we don’t allow others to force us to do what we don’t want to do.”
(c) Compassion – “As Confucius put it, ‘Noble men may differ in views but they are in harmony, while the ignoble share similar views and are disharmony.’” Dot Eight – Enrollment – “A spirit of enrollment is defined as stimulating people’s dreams and rousing them to take action accordingly. Leadership enrolls action, not though commands or compulsory means, but by inspiration to join in a meaningful game.” (a) Dreams – “If we want people to change their behavior, we have to touch their hearts.”
(b) Manifestation – “We become willing to adapt our behavior when we can see the advantages of doing so from observing other people’s experiences. We hope to share that experience, and we become enthusiastic about enrolling.”
(c) Inspiration – “If enrollment is a force that shines through belief and conviction, inspiration is the active follow-up that clear others’ minds of the confusion that is standing in the way of their becoming part of the mission.” Dot Nine – Possibilities – “Possibilities are like water, which can take on infinite forms – in a cup, it takes on the form of a cup; in a river, it takes on the form of a river and flows to the seas, where it takes on the form of the sea. In fact, life is like water – it is fluid and ever changing. It is limited only by our beliefs, by the possibilities we can see in any given situation.” (a) Nothingness – “To embrace possibilities, we need to abandon models, strip away boundaries, and look to nothingness. We need to think of nothingness not so much as avoid but as a space that allows us infinite room for movement.”
(b) Humility – “I know. I don’t know. I know what I don’t know. I don’t know what I don’t know. The first is an expression of a limiting world view; the last three statements are expressions of humility.”
(c) Inquiry – “A path of continual learning, as Confucius understood, is the only path to wisdom.” Labels: Book Reviews, Feature Articles
Any Good Jokes? – Ask the Coach
Question: Barry, I could use good laugh – got any good jokes to share?! Answer: Well this one’s probably been around the Internet three or four times already, but when it recently showed up in my inbox I laughed right out loud: “You know about the guy who was getting a brain transplant? He was told he could get a woman’s brain for $4,000 or a man’s brain for $10,000. “The brain transplant recipient asked the transplant doctors why the woman’s brain would cost so much less than the man’s brain. “The transplant doctor explained it was because the woman’s brain was used…” Labels: Ask the Coach
Notable Quotables: Great Things I Didn't Say (First)
- Liu Bei: "Do no evilness because it is a small one; do not leave a small deed undone because it is just a petty one."
- Zhuge Liang: "First organize the inner, then organize the outer ... First organize the great, then organize the small. First organize yourself, then organize others."
- Zhuang Zi: "Life is finite, while knowledge is infinite."
- Mao Zedong: "Our attitude towards ourselves should be ‘to be satiable in learning’ and towards others ‘to be tireless in teaching."
- Laozi: "At the center of your being you have the answer; you know who you are and you know what you want."
- Confucius: "When you have faults, do not fear to abandon them."
Labels: Notable Quotables
GottaGettaBlog! Highlights from 2008qtr2
I've been using GottaGettaBlog! as a vehicle to capture news, notes, and musings about coaching, mentoring, and getting more from YOUR Untapped Potential – along with whatever other I happen to find amusing and/or thought-provoking – since June of 2003. Some highlighted blog postings from last quarter are listed below – just follow the links to read what written: from April 2008 from May 2008 from June 2008 As always, your on-line comments at GottaGettaBlog! and its 2003-2007 archives are both welcomed and encouraged. If you don’t already receive monthly digests of GottaGettaBlog!, you can update your subscription here. Thanks.
Employee Performance Review Aid
Not quite done with your mid-year performance reviews yet? Come on, now. It’s time, whether you’re ready or not. But to help provide a little added incentive, take a look at, Employee Performance Discussions: 10 Important Things a Boss MUST Know How to Say – a downloadable e-book that’s all about how to have an effective performance discussion without being a jerk … or a wimp. In Employee Discussions, you get: - Specifically-phrased performance improvement messages that you can use not just at review time, but any time of the year
- Case studies that identify typical performance problems and show how to give powerful, constructive, and totally respectful, performance feedback about them
- Plus more
To get your copy of Employee Performance Discussions, visit http://www.employee-discussions.com/ today.
Labels: Make a Purchase
GottaGettaCoach! News from 2008qtr2
- Barry Zweibel is nominated by several of his peers for a seat on the Global Board of Directors of the International Coach Federation.
- Professional Development: What Works, by Sally J. Zepeda, Ph.D., and professor at the University of Georgia, was recently published by Eye On Education and the National Staff Development Council. In it, some prior work by Barry Zweibel was cited (pages 191-193) and discussed.
- The April 18, 2008 edition of the Torch newspaper referenced some volunteer work Barry Zweibel is doing for the Scarves with a Purpose organization - Barry is managing their website, http://www.scarveswithapurpose.com/, which is now ranked #1 in Google for the search terms "donate scarves" and "scarves for the homeless." If you like to knit, be sure to check them out!
- GGCI relocates its global headquarters to Suite 204 at the same address.
- TheLadders.com reprints an article written by Barry Zweibel titled, "Help Them Say Yes: Provide a 90-Day Plan" which was first published by them in March 2006.
Labels: GGCI News
2008qtr2 - Not Just Talk! Newsletter
Improv Wisdom – Book Review
Title: Improv Wisdom: Don't Prepare, Just Show UpAuthors: Patricia Ryan Madson ISBN-13: 9781400081882  They say you can’t judge a book by its cover, but I did with Improv Wisdom – and I’m glad I did. Turns out, it was really clever, practical, insightful, and fun. Patricia Ryan Madson, its author and an award-winning Senior Lecturer Emerita at Stanford University, has been teaching acting and improv for 40+ years. And it’s clearly been a labor of love – and mastery – for her. In Improv Wisdom, not only does Madson share her considerable expertise on the topic, but she endearingly shares a very engaging way of thinking with us, as well. “Life is an improvisation,” she says, “and if we are lucky a long one!” I don’t even know this woman, but I like her! I really do! According to Madson, improv has 13 ‘maxims’ – and they apply not only to improv, but to life itself. They are as follows: - Say Yes!
- Don’t Prepare
- Just Show Up
- Start Anywhere
- Be Average
- Pay Attention
- Face the Facts
- Stay on Course
- Wake Up to the Gifts
- Make Mistakes, Please
- Act Now
- Take Care of Each Other
- Enjoy the Ride
Life is an improv, indeed!
Some of my favorite snippets: - “Saying yes is an act of courage and optimism: it allows you to share control. It is a way to make your partner happy. Yes expands your world.”
- “The spirit of improvising is embodied in the notion of ‘yes and.’ Agreement begins the process; what comes next is to add something or develop the offer in a positive direction. Avoiding this step is a form of blocking.”
- “The habit of excessive planning impedes our ability to see what is actually in front of us. The mind that is occupied is missing the present.”
- “Fear is not the problem; allowing your attention to be consumed by it is.”
- “Make a list of five places that are your ‘hot spots,’ places where the important things in life happen for you. Why not put the book down, pick one of the places on your list, and show up there?”
- “There’s no need to find the right starting place. With a big task or a confusing problem, when you don’t know where to start, begin with the most obvious thing, whatever is in front of you.”
- “The improviser focuses on making that idea into a good one, rather than searching for a ‘good idea’.”
- “When asked to uncover what is obvious to you, count on the fact that your view is already unique.”
- “Life is attention, and what we are attending to determines to a great extent how we experience the world.”
This is good stuff, whether she’s talking about improv or not, don’t you think? And there’s much, much, more: - “Wishing things were different (or that I was different) simply wastes time. The improviser can’t afford unrealistic thinking. Instead, she builds bridges over rocky terrain and turns lemons into lemonade. She works with what is actually in front of her, setting aside the temptation to dwell on what it is not.”
- “Life is all about balancing not about being balanced … embrace the wobble.”
- “Some gifts are not objects, but support and encouragement we give each other… make a point of thanking people for thankless jobs.”
- “If you can’t get out of it, get into it.”
- “When I see something that needs to be done, I usually do it without debate. The improviser in me is trained to take action rather than muse over whose job it may be.”
“Learning how to work together moment by moment without a known formula is the essence of improvisation.” - “The improv ‘talent,’ which involves listening carefully, observing the actions of others, contributing, supporting, leading, following, filling in the gaps, and looking for the appropriate ending, can be taught and learned.”
From my own experience, I am continually amazed by what good things tend to happen whenever I just let go and … go! That’s not to say that planning doesn’t have its part to play. But Woody Allen was really on to something when he said, “Eighty percent of success is showing up.” And so is Patricia Ryan Madson with what she’s written in Improv Wisdom.
Labels: Book Reviews, Feature Articles
90-Day Plan – Ask the Coach
Question: Barry, I have an account with The Ladders and read your piece on 90-day plans, which I liked very much. Two questions … Answer: Glad you liked the article. (For those who didn’t see it, it was a reprint of Help Them Say Yes: Provide a 90-Day Plan, which was first published by http://www.theladders.com/ in March 2006.) Now let’s see if I can answer your questions: 1. When would an applicant offer such a 90-day plan? Before the interview, after the first interview, after successive or final interviews?I would think that to maximize its impact, you’d want to get the plan into the hands of the hiring manager either after you’ve talked directly with him/her the second time – you could even ask during that second conversation if it’d be all right if you put the plan together “just to clarify in my own mind how I’d best dig in” – or you could bring it with you to that second interview (but only if you have sufficient insight about the position to actually create an insightful plan). In other words, I don’t think a 90-day plan will automatically put you in the “final few” of candidates still being considered, but once you’re on that short-list, it will definitely help distinguish you from the others. 2. It’s very painful to consider the possibility that your proposed plan becomes another candidate-turned-employee’s blueprint for a work plan you proposed. Is there a solution to this quandary (e.g., copyright marking, etc.)? Or better to just live with that risk?Is it really ‘very painful’ or is just a pain?! Sure, they could steal your ideas and run with them, but frankly, if you don’t offer up any ideas worth stealing during the interview process, why would they want to hire you to begin with, eh?! Less flippantly, yes, it is a risk you take, but it’s a risk that helps:
(a) Better position you vis-à-vis your competition; (b) Get you deeper into the mindset – good or bad – of what it’d be really like to work there; and (c) You learn to better articulate how you think, which is really what companies are trying to figure out through the interview process. Too, I doubt very much you’ll have actually garnered enough insight from your interviews to provide sea-changing details. Remember the goal of the 90 day plan is not to solve the problems – it’s to show them you understand what the problems are and give them a taste for how you’d start to solve them.
And should they ‘steal’ your idea and not hire you? I suspect that you’d probably not want to work at a place like that, even if they did offer you the job.
Hope this helps. Good luck to you. Labels: Ask the Coach, Feature Articles
Notable Quotables: Great Things I Didn't Say (First)
- Patricia Ryan Madson: "Life is all about balancing not about being balanced…Embrace the wobble."
- Edward Hopper: "More of me comes out when I improvise."
- Winston Churchill: "Let our advance worrying become advance thinking and planning."
- Arthur Conan Doyle: "From a drop of water a logician could infer the possibility of an Atlantic or a Niagara without having seen or heard of one or the other."
- J.K. Rowling: "It is our choices that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities."
- Dizzy Gillespie: "It’s taken me all my life to learn what not to play."
Labels: Notable Quotables
GottaGettaBLOG! Highlights from 2008qtr1
I've been using GottaGettaBlog! as a vehicle to capture news, notes, and musings about coaching, mentoring, and getting more from YOUR Untapped Potential – along with whatever other I happen to find amusing and/or thought-provoking – since June of 2003. Highlighted blog postings from last quarter are, as per usual, listed below – just follow the links: from January 2008 from February 2008 from March 2008 As always, your on-line comments at GottaGettaBlog! and its 2003-2007 archives are both welcomed and encouraged. To receive weekly digests of new GottaGettaBlog! postings, update your subscription here. Thanks.
Decision Matrix Tutorial
 Welcome to all my new subscribers courtesy of TheLadders.com. As you work through your job search opportunities, you may find that you need to be able to more objectively assess the pros and cons of what your prospective employers are offering. A great way to do that is by using a Decision Matrix. But matrices can be cumbersome and unproductive if you’re not exactly sure how to make them work for you. That’s why I created a helpful little e-book called Should I, or Shouldn't I? - a downloadable tutorial about mastering the Decision Matrix. From it, you can learn (or refresh your learning) how to easily – and objectively – asses what’s important to you, how important is it, and the choices available to you, without having to rely so heavily on your gut feel. The Decision Matrix is also an excellent tool to help identify what additional information you might need in order to make a true apples-to-apples-type comparison between options. Increase your confidence in the decisions you make and your ability to explain them to others. Order your copy of Should I, or Shouldn’t I? for immediate download at: http://www.ggci.com/Store/career-resources/decisionmatrix/. Labels: Make a Purchase
GottaGettaCoach! News from 2008qtr1
- Building Employee Trust: A New Equation (ISBN: 81-314-0875-2), a book based on "relevant, authoritative, and thought-provoking articles written by experts," is published featuring an article by Barry Zweibel titled, "The Dangerous Allure of Trust."
- GottaGettaCoach!, Inc. is commended by the Better Business Bureau of Chicago and Northern Illinois, Inc. with its Complaint Free Award for 2007.
- With the start of the New Year, GottaGettaBlog! moved to a new location: http://www.ggci.com/blog2/. The 400+ posts already made are now permanently archived at www.ggci.com/blog under the heading of GottaGettaBlog! 2003-2007 and will remain accessible there, or through the GGCI search engine (www.ggci.com/search) along with newer blog posts, and newsletters, past and present.
- Happy New Year!
Labels: GGCI News
2008qtr1 - Not Just Talk! Newsletter
You, Inc. – Book Review
Title: You, Inc. – The Art of Selling Yourself Authors: Harry Beckwith and Christine Clifford Beckwith ISBN-13: 9780446578219  I was very eager to read this, the latest book by marketing guru Harry Beckwith. After all, his “ Selling the Invisible” was an indispensable resource for me as I starting building my business way back when. So when I found it while browsing in an airport bookstore one evening, I immediately grabbed it and headed toward the checkout counter. So while I found much of its content to be quite excellent (more on that in a moment) I didn’t really care for how it was written. It felt like two separate books, actually – one written by Harry and one written by Christine – that somehow got randomly shuffled together into one. Don’t get me wrong; they each shared some wonderful stories, vignettes and lessons learned. But it felt quite disjointed to not know whose lessons learned I was reading about at any point in time – especially in the first few sections of the book. I don’t know why it was so distracting to me, but it really was. Okay, that said, on to some of nuggets about the art of selling yourself that I highlighted while reading: - The first thing to sell is ... yourself.
- The future belongs to the Communicators.
- Ambiguity is expensive.
- To improve your writing, read what you write aloud and revise before sending or submitting.
- “A poor teacher describes; a good teacher explains; an excellent teacher demonstrates; a great teacher inspires.”
- How to give an excellent thirty-minute speech: Speak for twenty-two minutes.
- Life is not what you make it. It is how you take it.
- How many thank-you notes did you send last year? This year, send twice that many.
- Follow up within a day.
- The greatest gift you can offer is your time.
- The greatest compliment you can pay is: “I understand something deep in your heart.”
- Give your all.
- Keep learning.
- Always do right.
- Be vivid.
- Don’t just be brief; be briefer.
Good stuff to be sure. But I really wanted to like this book more than I did. Amidst some truly helpful tips and tricks, I found it bloated with more than its share of platitudes and filler. I mean were two chapters really necessary for tips on attire, when one advised us to “buy one great suit,” and another was needed to simply add “and one pair of great shoes”?!
You, Inc. is billed as “The Definitive Guide to Career and Personal Success.” And maybe it is. Thirty reviewers on Amazon.com thought enough about it to give an average rating of 4½ stars (out of 5) – and more than half of them gave it a full 5-out-of-5 star rating!
I don’t know about that, though. I mean I did learn some things – and if you read it you will too. But, on balance, the Harry Beckwith book I’m far more comfortable recommending is his Selling the Invisible.
Surely I could go on about You, Inc., but I want to honor that last nugget I learned from it! Labels: Book Reviews, Feature Articles
Working with a Terrible Boss – Ask the Coach
Question: Barry, I saw you were quoted in a Wall Street Journal article about working with a lousy boss. I liked your advice. But my boss isn’t just ‘unreceptive’, he’s downright unbearable! Any additional suggestions for working with a truly terrible boss?Answer: Not that it’s a panacea, but I think that developing your abilities to engage in meaningful and relevant conversations with your boss will go long way toward improving relations – a key to making him/her a less-difficult boss for you. So let’s go to the interview’s cutting room floor and take a closer look at how to improve your ability to M-E-E-T with your boss: Acronym: M-E-E-TM – Match – Match the ‘style’ of your request to the preferences of the boss (time of day, day of week, by phone, in person, via email, etc.) Don’t just send an email and wait. And don’t just burst into his/her office demanding a one-on-one. You may not think so, but when and how you ask for a meeting can make a world of difference in terms of his/her receptivity (or defensiveness) to your request. E – Explain – ‘Cranky’ bosses really don’t like surprises, so be clear about what you want to meet about. Asking for approval to attend a professional development opportunity (or to hire a coach!) is a very different type of conversation than wanting to refute a poor performance review or substandard raise. Give to boss time to adequately prepare for the conversation by letting him/her know what it is you want to talk about, before you jump right in and start talking about it. E – Engage – Okay, now it’s time for the meeting itself. Again, match (tempo, style, language, etc.) and quickly explain what you want to talk about. Remember, though, the point of meeting is not to explain – it’s to engage in a discussion so that a decision can be made, or an agreement reached as to next steps. So: - DON’T push the boss into a corner.
- DON’T be inflexible in acceptable outcomes.
- DON’T get emotionally hooked.
- DON’T over-reach.
And - DO be tolerant.
- DO be open to counter-intuitive ideas … negotiate, if need be.
- DO stay focused.
- DO keep breathing.
- DO remain respectful at all times.
T – Thank – Regardless of outcome, express gratitude for being able to even have the meeting. You may not always get what you want, but that’s okay. The Bigger Goal, after all, is to facilitate your ability to have these types of conversations in the future, not just for today. Before you leave, reiterate any Next Steps that you and your boss have agreed to. Then work these items as you would those of a major project or deliverable. Because in very real terms, it is. And what if your boss doesn’t want to meet or keeps canceling? Above all else, keep your cool. Bosses are busy people. But, when appropriate, find a moment and say: “I know you’re crazy-busy these days, boss, but this is an important conversation for us to have together. So how do you recommend we make it happen?” Again, no guarantees you’ll get the meet, but this approach will surely increase its probability.
Point Last: What to do before you even ask for a ‘meet’: Good – Do your homework. Be sure that whatever you’re asking for is: (a) reasonable; and (b) non-precedent setting, so it doesn’t set off a chain of downstream implications. Better – Think things through from the boss’ perspective. Understand the risks and potential unintended consequences of giving you approval. Thoroughly consider what doing so would mean to others. Assess how helping you would also help your boss (and the opposite). Best – Do really, REALLY, good work on a day in/day out basis. Provide the boss with value-added regularly. Show, through your ongoing actions, that you truly are worthy of the boss’ trust and regard. Build and nurture a solid relationship with your boss before you need or want anything. Labels: Ask the Coach, Feature Articles
Notable Quotables: Great Things I Didn't Say (First)
- Diane Ravitch: "The person who knows how will always have a job. The person who knows why will always be his boss."
- Jean Giraudoux: "Only the mediocre are always at their best."
- William Ellery Channing: "Difficulties are meant to rouse, not discourage. The human spirit is to grow strong by conflict."
- James Howell: "Respect a man, he will do the more."
- Jonathan Kozol: "Pick battles big enough to matter, small enough to win."
- Harry Beckwith: "Don't just think better, think different."
Labels: Notable Quotables
GottaGettaCoach! News from 2007qtr4
- Perri Capel, columnist for The Wall Street Journal quotes Barry Zweibel in a 12/4/2007 piece titled, "When a Boss Is Unreceptive To New Views" published in both the on-line and print editions of the paper. An expanded version of the article was also published by WSJ CarrerJournal under the title of "How Can I Defuse Tensions With a Difficult Manager?".
- Barry Zweibel was invited to be coach and facilitator as part of a two-day November team-building retreat for employees of Hill-Rom Company, Inc., as a follow-up to a series of team-member interviews completed in October.
- Barry Zweibel attended (and volunteered at) the 12th annual International Coach Federation conference in Long Beach, California, as did about 1,500 other coaches from 36 different countries, in total.
- Sally J. Zepeda, Ph.D., professor and graduate coordinator at the University of Georgia, requested permission to include excerpts of written materials by Barry Zweibel in two books that will be published in the very near future - one on Professional Development and one on Coaching - by Eye on Education (Larchmont, NY).
Labels: GGCI News
GottaGettaBLOG! Highlights from 2007qtr4
I've been using GottaGettaBlog! as a vehicle to capture news, notes, and musings about coaching, mentoring, and getting more from YOUR Untapped Potential – along with whatever other I happen to find amusing and/or thought-provoking – since June of 2003. With the start of the New Year, though, GottaGettaBlog! has moved to a new location: http://www.ggci-blog.com/. Don’t worry, though, the 400+ posts already made are now permanently archived at http://www.ggci.com/blog/ under the heading of GottaGettaBlog! 2003-2007 and will remain accessible there, or through the GGCI search engine ( www.ggci.com/search) along with newer blog posts, and newsletters, past and present. Meanwhile, highlighted blog postings from last quarter are, as per usual, listed below – just follow the links: from October 2007 from November 2007 from December 2007 As always, your on-line comments at GottaGettaBlog! and GottaGettaBlog! 2003-2007 are both welcomed and encouraged. To receive weekly digests of new GottaGettaBlog! postings, update your subscription here. Thanks.
4qtr2007 - Not Just Talk! Newsletter
Table of Contents - 4qtr2007 - Not Just Talk! Newsletter - Article Review: The Real Reason People Won’t Change
- Authentically Munch
- Ask the Coach: A Whiter Shade of Pale
- Notable Quotables: Great Things I Didn't Say (First)
- What's News at GottaGettaCoach!?
- GottaGettaBlog! Highlights
4qtr2007 - Article Review - The Real Reason People Won't Change
Article Review: The Real Reason People Won’t Change
Robert Kegan And Lisa Laskow Lahey Harvard Business Review (reprint R0110E) So what is the real reason people won’t change? To bottom line it, "It’s a psychological dynamic called a “competing commitment,” and until managers understand how it works and the ways to overcome it, they can’t do a thing about change-resistant employees."
When people resist change, it’s not necessarily because they’re opposed to it. It’s not even necessarily because they’re lazy or inattentive to it, either. Rather, it’s because they have one or more hidden beliefs that directly conflict with them working toward meaningful change.
Example: People often don’t collaborate even though they truly believe in teamwork. Why? Because they’re also dedicated to avoiding the confrontations that are typically intrinsic to any team-based activity. So, push come to shove, they never fully engage in the collaborative process for fear of that probable confrontation and what that means to them. Oftentimes, though, it’s not readily apparent what the conflict is – or that a conflict even exists. So to unwind things, the authors have developed an interesting three-stage process to help figure out what’s in the way: - Through a series of key questions, managers can guide employees to uncover any competing commitments.
- Employees can then examine these competing commitments to determine the Underlying Assumptions inherent in them.
- Based on this new awareness, employees can then start changing their behaviors accordingly.
Uncovering Competing Commitments
The key questions recommended for guiding the uncovering process are as follows:
- What would you like to see changed at work, so that you could be more effective or so that work would be more satisfying?
- What commitments does your complaint imply?
- What are you doing, or not doing, that is keeping your commitment from being more fully realized?
- If you imagine doing the opposite of the undermining behavior, do you detect in yourself any discomfort, worry, or vague fear?
- By engaging in this undermining behavior, what worrisome outcomes are you committed to preventing?
It’s important to realize that competing commitments do not necessarily reflect weakness or incompetence on anyone’s part. So, managers, don’t go there. Competing commitments are merely just a form of self-protection, and in that context, they make total sense. (e.g. If you want to avoid confrontation, avoid collaboration because collaboration results in confrontation.) Of course the follow-up question to ask is this: What are you protecting yourself from? What are you assuming will happen as a result of a confrontation?
Interestingly, once people start looking at things this way, it’s fairly easy for them to identify (and admit) what they are protecting themselves from. And once they identify that, most are ready to take some immediate action to overcome it.
But the authors suggest that a manager not press for behavioral change just yet. Rather, managers should encourage the employee to first notice his/her current behavior in light of now knowing about his/her competing commitments, Underlying Assumptions, and self-protecting mechanisms. That way, s/he can also look for what I like to call irrefutable evidence that their long-held assumptions might no longer be valid. (Who hasn’t found that a type of food they once thought they didn’t like was actually quite tasty?!) This can open whole new world of possibility for someone as one can use this as an opportunity to reflect on what caused these specific protection mechanisms to be created in the first place.
Understanding the circumstances that created the Underlying Assumptions can be very helpful in freeing oneself from them. And from there, meaningful change is not only doable, but often preferred to the status quo. Labels: Feature Articles
4qtr2007 - Authentically Munch
 According to NYMag.com, Law & Order character, Detective John Munch, “is the longest-running character on any American drama still on the air. What's more … [since January 1993] the aforementioned Detective Munch has appeared in no less than nine different television shows.” For you trivia fans, the nine shows are: - Law & Order
- Law & Order Special Victims Unit
- Sesame Street (my personal favorite!)
- Arrested Development
- Law & Order: Trial by Jury
- The Beat
- Homicide: Life on the Street
- The X Files
- The Lone Gunmen
What’s particularly interesting to me – aside from being a long time Belzer fan – is that it speaks to a frequent life coach topic: Authenticity.
It’s one thing to show up. Indeed, as Woody Allen says, “Eighty percent of success is showing up.” Authenticity, though, speaks to how we show up. Munch is very consistent in that regard. “I yam what I yam,” both he and Popeye the Sailorman would both say, albeit with slightly different affects.
Munch – and Popeye, for that matter – has a definite personality. But authenticity is more than just personality. Authenticity is about being completely comfortable in one’s own skin without fear of what others might think, and without need to unduly impress anyone with it.
So how does one become completely comfortable in one’s own skin without fear of what others might think? And how does one avoid overdoing the whole authenticity thing?
Step One – Realize that you have a right to be comfortable in your own skin. We really do have that right, you know, – We yam who we yam?! – even if it feels completely unbelievable at times. Authenticity is about “showing up” as who we are, not just as some cardboard cutout of who we think we should be. Surely Detective Munch would agree – and he’s not even a real person!
Step Two – Own your skin. Feel what it’s like. Note what works for you, and what doesn’t. Understand what makes it easier for you to just be yourself, as well as what makes it more difficult. Look for patterns and explanations, and how they all might interrelate.
Step Three: Actively calibrate. Something helpful to remember about becoming more comfortable in your own skin is that you really don’t need to get it exactly right at first, you just need to understand what types of things will move you closer to, or farther away from, it so you can calibrate accordingly.
Here’s a fun game to practice calibrating: Pick a number between one and 100; ask someone to guess it; when they do, tell them only to guess higher, or lower, until they get it exactly right; count how many guesses it takes for them to get it exactly right. This is how we work toward homeostasis – when we guess too high, we back it off a bit, and when we guess to low, we up it from there.
As with home heating and cooling, sometimes we need to heat up how we’re interacting with the world, sometimes we need to cool it down a bit, and sometimes, Goldilocks, it’s just right. And each little calibration helps.
A word of warning: Some people confuse comfort in their own skin with vanity, as if to say, “Look how authentic I’m being!” The ultimate litmus, then, is this: If you’re ego is what’s really loving how well you calibrate, there’s likely still more work to do. But if your heart loves it, then you’re likely on the right track.
Detective Munch already understands that – as do his writers. Labels: Feature Articles
4tr2007 - Ask the Coach: A Whiter Shade of Pale
Question: Barry, I'm so frustrated. Try as I might to see things otherwise, I’m such a Black and White thinker. What can I do to open my eyes to other possibilities when problem-solving?
Answer: Here’s something that often helps the B&W types: Shades of grey!
Seriously, anyone who’s able to discern black from white, as you are, certainly understands that what they’re discerning from is actually shades of grey. If you allow yourself to play with that notion a bit you’ll soon likely notice that you already see other possibilities – you’re just discounting them a bit prematurely, that’s all.
A good question to ask is this: “Okay, I see the black and white of it all, but what are some of the grey tones I’m also seeing? “
Too, it’s often helpful to look at the whiter side of the spectrum. Did you know, for instance, that there are about a zillion shades in the white palette?! Here, courtesy of Benjamin Moore, (http://www.benjaminmoore.ca/colours/offwhite.aspx) is quite a few of them.
Of course the deeper issue has nothing to do with colors at all really – although a nice Bordeaux Red / Dill Weed Green combination is quite smart-looking for the coming cooler months! What’s really needed here is a way to expand your thinking in a way that encourages your creativity to kick in.
An approach that’s often helpful in getting things going is the pick-a-metaphor-and-go game. It works like this: - Close your eyes, take a few deep, cleansing breaths.
- Open your eyes and allow them to settle on something/anything.
- That something is the metaphor you can use to stimulate your creativity.
Example #1: You open your eyes, look around, and find your gaze focusing on your backyard. Stoke your creativity by asking some imaginative questions like theses: - Thinking about that idea I’ve been struggling with, what part could clearly use a little more watering?!
- All things being equal, what parts need to be mown or trimmed a bit?!
- What would make my idea that much more lush and green?!
Example #2: You open your eyes, look around, and find your gaze focusing on your kitchen freezer. Stoke your creativity by asking some off-the-wall questions like theses: - My current idea is too vanilla so what would adding a nice chocolate mocha fudge swirl do to it?!
- For that matter, what would turn the whole thing into a delicious banana split sundae?!
- And what little something extra could I add to my idea as a cherry on top?
Example #3: You open your eyes, look around, and find your gaze focusing on a yellow highlighter sitting on your desk. Stoke your creativity by asking some silly-little questions like theses: - What parts of my idea do I want to particularly highlight for others?
- Given that the color yellow is sometimes associated with cowardice and other times associated with peace and happiness, what part of my idea makes me the most nervous, and what do I need to modify to make me happier with it?
- How might the impact of my idea change if I changed its color or some other physical attribute?
While the pick-a-metaphor-and-go game might not immediately provide you with the answers you’re looking for, it likely will bring a smile to your face, which is very helpful when trying to look at things in terms other than simple blacks and whites. Labels: Ask the Coach, Feature Articles
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